Letting Go of Past Selves Without Guilt

There’s something quietly heartbreaking about outgrowing the version of yourself you always thought you’d become.

When I was 10, I wanted to be an architect. I was obsessed with design books and floorplans. At 12, I was determined to be a curling champion (which, if you’re from a small Canadian town, makes perfect sense). At 16, I imagined myself living in a trendy condo in a big city, working in something creative, polished, and impressive.

Each of those dreams became part of the identity I carried.

I didn't just dream them — I built a life around them. I made choices based on who I thought I was becoming.

So later, when I chose to study Urban Geography instead of Architecture… it felt like failure. When I didn’t move to a major city straight away, I felt behind. When my path started to curve in quiet, unexpected ways… I felt like I was betraying my past self.

When Your Old Dreams No Longer Fit

I don’t think we talk enough about the guilt that comes with evolving.

Because even as I started to grow, even as my values shifted and my desires changed, I felt weighed down by the shoulds I had created years ago.

The version of me who once dreamed of one thing… was judging the version of me who now wanted something else.

But over time, I’ve learned this truth:

Just because a dream got you here doesn’t mean it’s meant to carry you forever.

You’re allowed to shift, become someone new, and want different things.

3 Truths That Helped Me Let Go of Who I Thought I Had to Be

1. Changing direction isn’t quitting, it’s clarity.

At first, adjusting my vision felt like defeat. But slowly, I realized: I wasn’t abandoning my dreams. I was making room for new ones.

We don’t “quit” being who we were. We simply choose to grow beyond her.

Changing your mind isn’t flaky. It’s a sign you’re listening.

2. You don’t have to erase your past to move forward.

There are still pieces of those earlier versions of me that I carry lovingly today.

I still read about architecture for fun. I still curl in my hometown league.

But I don’t build my identity around them anymore. They’re part of me — not all of me.

When we hold space for our past selves, instead of letting them run the show, we create room for our present self to breathe.

3. The guilt you feel? It’s proof that you’ve already changed.

The guilt I felt when I made new choices was actually evidence that I had already evolved — even if I hadn’t admitted it to myself yet.

I was no longer chasing those past dreams because, deep down, I no longer wanted them.

But nostalgia is tricky. It can make old paths feel sacred. It can make change feel like betrayal.

The truth was, I wasn’t betraying my old self. I was honoring her by finally giving myself permission to grow.

And once I stopped resisting that shift, I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time: Relief. Clarity. Joy.

A Gentle Invitation

If you’re in the middle of an identity shift, quietly questioning the dreams you used to hold so tightly, I want you to know this:

You’re not flakey. You’re not behind. You’re not failing.

You’re becoming.And that doesn’t require permission or a perfect plan. It just requires honesty, gentleness, and one intentional step at a time.

Reflect With Me

If you’d like to explore your own intentional living journey, explore The Intentional Living Library.

Make space for the woman you’re becoming. You’ll be so happy that you did <3