When You're Outgrowing the Life You Thought You Wanted

Exploration

Nov 5

A soft reflection on shifting dreams, self-forgiveness, and growing into who you're really meant to be.

There’s a quiet ache that tends to show up when you realize you’re no longer chasing the same dreams you used to hold so tightly — when the version of yourself you once imagined has started to fade into the background, even as a new version begins to emerge, one you didn’t fully see coming.

When I was ten, I was completely taken with the idea of becoming an architect — I would spend hours flipping through design books, sketching floor plans, and imagining the kind of spaces I’d create someday. By twelve, I had set my sights on becoming a curling champion (which, if you’re from a small Canadian town like I am, doesn’t sound as surprising as it might to most). And by sixteen, I could picture myself living in a trendy city loft, working in a creative field, maybe design or something adjacent — something that made me feel like the kind of person I thought I was supposed to become.

Each of those versions of myself felt real. They mattered. And they weren’t just passing dreams, either. I made choices based on them. I let them shape my sense of direction. I saw them as anchors, helping me stay the course.

So when I chose to study Urban Geography in university instead of Architecture, it didn’t feel like a shift in direction, it felt like I had already failed. When I didn’t move straight to a major city and into a trendy loft after graduating, I didn’t tell myself I was building something different — I told myself I was behind. And when my life began unfolding in slower, quieter, less flashy ways than I’d expected, I felt like I was letting my past self down, like I was turning my back on who I was “supposed” to be.

When Dreams No Longer Fit, But You’re Still Carrying Them Anyway

No one really prepares you for how hard it can be to let go of a dream — even when you’re no longer sure you want it.

There’s a kind of subtle guilt that lingers when you start to drift from the life you once planned, and it’s not always loud or obvious, but it weighs on you all the same. For me, that guilt looked like second-guessing decisions I had already made with clarity. It looked like mourning a version of myself I had grown out of, even as I was trying to step more fully into who I was becoming.

And maybe you’ve felt it, too: the quiet grief of evolving.

Not because something is wrong. But because something has changed.

What Helped Me Let Go (Without Shame or a Timeline)

There are still days where those old dreams tap me on the shoulder — but they no longer run the show. And these are the reminders I return to when I need to release the weight of who I thought I had to be:

1. Changing your mind isn’t giving up — it’s clarity.

There was a time when every new decision felt like a betrayal of some earlier plan I had once held close, but the truth is, what I once wanted helped carry me here, and that matters. But that doesn’t mean it’s meant to carry me forever.

Choosing differently doesn’t mean you’ve abandoned your path. It might just mean you’ve found a better one.

You’re allowed to pause and reevaluate. You’re allowed to choose again, not because you’re flakey or lost, but because you’re honest enough to grow.

2. You don’t need to erase the past to move forward.

I still find myself captivated by beautiful architecture. I still curl competitively and am chasing that dream. Those versions of me are still in here somewhere, but they no longer have to be the blueprint for what I build next.

You can keep pieces of your past without needing to turn them into your future.

There’s something so freeing about letting your past self be a part of your story, without letting her take the lead. She mattered. And she helped you get here. But you get to decide what matters most now.

3. The guilt you feel is just evidence that you’ve already changed.

I used to think that the guilt I felt when I made a new choice meant I was doing something wrong. But now I know it was just a sign that I had already grown. The reason it felt like loss was because a shift had already happened, and I was finally catching up to it.

We often hold guilt over not wanting what we once wanted, but what a beautiful sign that is, that you’ve learned, experienced, lived. Nostalgia has a way of softening the hard edges of past dreams, but we don’t owe them permanence. We just owe ourselves honesty.

And when I let go of that guilt — when I stopped fighting what had already changed — I made space for something new: peace, clarity, and joy.

A Gentle Note If You’re in the Middle of a Shift

If you’re quietly questioning whether your old plans still fit… if you’re carrying guilt about wanting something different now… if you’re in that in-between space where one identity is fading and the next hasn’t quite taken shape yet, you are not lost.

You are not behind. You are not flakey or failing. You’re becoming.

And becoming doesn’t require perfection or permission — just presence. Just a little softness. Just one step forward at a time.

Want to Explore What Comes Next?

Inside the Intentional Living Library, you’ll find free, reflective tools to support you as you gently let go of what no longer fits and begin to step into the person you’re becoming.

🕊️ Inside, you’ll find: